Routine

My days in Savannah so far have centered around finding a routine. When I was teaching elementary school, I found that the kids were able to find freedom to think, create, explore and try new things when all of these things took place within the safe boundaries of a routine.  Adults aren't that different, especially when in a new place. Ironically, it's as if there's safety in it and that "security" allows for risk taking.

So what do I do with my days? I started off my time here by studying as soon as I woke up because I was waking with a feeling of panic, thinking that I had to use every single second to work on my thesis and that I was behind!  But then I realized that it isn't healthy to start a day that way. I was here in beautiful Savannah but I wasn't experiencing life. I also had a hard time focusing. I was just sitting in my apartment in front of the computer.  So I decided to start every morning with some kind of exercise.  Now I go to yoga or walk around the park first thing every morning.  This allows for me to see some of Savannah's beauty and release some natural, stress reducing endorphins.  This helps! Not only do I feel better, but my focus lasts longer when I'm studying. And really, you can't work all day long without breaks.  Your work will suffer and you will too.

Scene from Forsyth Park

I've also been cooking more.  This apartment has come with the most beautiful kitchen! It makes me want to cook and clean! Haha! Also, I know that what I put in my mouth has an impact on my energy level and my ability to work longer hours. So I've been eating lots of fruits, veggies and lean meats. 

"Sandwich Cam" Haha!

Of course, I've also visited some of the great restaurants around here.  My sweet landlady took me to dinner the other night at The Bohemian Hotel. The restaurant, Rocks, is delicious! Their rooftop bar is where I took this image of the sunset.  I love it!

View from Rocks on the Rooftop

And when I'm done for the day, I usually try to either get some rest or find something fun to do at night. Sometimes I'll keep working if I'm in the flow, but it's different every day and I try to be sensitive to what I need. Last night my friend Suzy, whom I've known since the 8th grade, arrived.  She drove up from Miami to see me and I'm so happy she's here. It was great to have a girlfriend here to talk to and we had some fun last night.  The Savannah Stopover Music Festival is happening here this weekend.  It's a place for bands to stop and perform on their way to South by Southwest in Austin.  I hadn't heard of any of them except for Grimes. Grimes is Claire Boucher, who plays keys, sings and plays programmed electronic music.  She has a band, Born Gold, that backs her up as well. The event took place in the Jepson Center on their interior steps.  The lights, fog, music, and movement, all set against a pretty stark and contemporary setting, made for one incredibly modern and surreal experience.  It was a perfect stress release! It was also fun to stand amongst all of the SCAD students who I knew were loving the music.  There was one girl getting down with her bad self right in front of us and I just had to soak in all of the fun energy. Here's a picture from last night and a video of one of her songs that I think will represent the performance better than my words can.

Grimes

I have to say that claiming my time and being sensitive to the ebb and flow of my motivation/energy has helped me to be more productive. And not feeling like I have anything to apologize for is great too. I have a feeling that when I'm finished with this thesis, I will find that I'm more in control of my time and, in turn, my life. I like the slower pace that I have here and I'm realizing that there is nothing that says I have to live my life any differently when I get home.  In an effort to do what I can for my community, I've given up time that I should have been taking for my own health and mental peace. I understand that starting the business after I graduate is going to mean long hours and really hard work, but I think there's something to the idea of taking it slowly and working methodically so that I can still enjoy life and feel good.  Because in the end, what we do with our lives is important. It's the gift we give to the world, but I don't believe that you have to stress yourself out and worry in order to give your best.  In fact, I believe the opposite. 

I think that a gift given with love, peace and self-control are the best. That's what I want to give. And I think you have to slow down and live more simply in order to do that.  I'm working on it!

Encouragement

Savannah and Charleston have been exactly as I expected, wonderful and beautiful. I can't get over how at home I feel here.  I am convinced that there is something in my biological, emotional and spiritual makeup that resonates with this location.  It's a good thing too, because I've been fighting a bit of a battle within myself since I arrived. I've experienced the kind of self-doubt and fear that I always do when I'm writing.  I don't know at what point in my life I heard (either from someone else or myself) that I wasn't smart or good enough to write anything of value, but it has been stuck in my head for a long time.  Ironically, I can remember when I first went back to school in 2004 that I thought I was doing a great job.  So it's been sometime since then...maybe when I entered graduate school.

Having come to art a little late in life, I felt behind when I compared myself to my other friends in class.  They all sounded so smart and their vocabulary had me writing words down in the margin of my notes and looking them up when I was out of their sight. Terms such as "hegemonic" or "ontological." What? Haha! But instead of being excited about learning new things, I was intimidated.  This is a problem. It's not how it's supposed to be! I had the best teachers and they weren't the ones who were telling me I couldn't do this.  In fact, they have done nothing but the opposite, but I have told myself that I wasn't up to snuff with the rest of the students.  NOT TRUE!!!! (And it wasn't the other students who were sending this message to me either.  They have been great! In fact, I feel so grateful for the kind of support we've given to each other...and the friendships that have come out of it all.)

I think we can be our own worst enemies and that's sad.  So today, I replace old mantras of "I can't do this" with "I CAN do this." I AM doing this! I've been given the opportunity to study something I love and to live in a  place that I love. My words have value and my ideas are worth expressing. I love myself and all that I have to give to this world.  Nobody else has what I have inside me and nobody else can do what I can do, because nobody else is me.

I know, without a doubt, that my greatest gifts to give this world are love, kindness and strength.  Without loving and believing in myself, I am hindering the fullness of those gifts and I don't want to do that anymore.  So anyone out there who thinks that they need to tell me that they have doubts or worries about my ability or work ethic can just keep that to themselves.  I've heard enough of that...from my own voice and yours.  And if I'm going to squelch that inside me, you need to do the same. I won't listen to you anymore, anyway, because there are plenty of people who have shown me the opposite.

The message I want to give to those who have expressed concern for my ability and work ethic (and to myself when I'm weak) is this. You have no idea how destructive and detrimental you've been to me. It's as if you and I, combined, took a week of this experience away from me.  I know full and well that it has been my choice to hang on to those words and let them sink in, but I'm letting them go now. All I need from you is support and encouragement...even if you don't feel that way.  Don't give me your worry or concern.  If you really want to give me something that will help, give me good energy and words saying, "I know you can do this,"  Because I can do this. I am doing this. And in reality, what you're projecting on to me is your own fear for yourself.  You never learned how to overcome the belief that you had to worry about things in order to get them done.  Let me enjoy my own process and let me find wonder and beauty in all of the discoveries I'm making right now because they are changing me for the better and I know that it will translate into good things in my work.

Thank you.

Words

Today was one of those days of ups and downs.  I woke up, ate breakfast and pulled myself together enough to walk to Forsyth Park, which is two blocks south of my apartment, because there is a Farmer's Market there on Saturdays and I had heard great things.  I wasn't disappointed. There was a great selection of produce and meat. I bought carrots, green beans and some ground beef. I'm thinking lunch tomorrow is going to be deeeelicious!

While I was walking toward the market, a couple of old men on a park bench said hello and then said, "OKLAHOMA CITY?" because I had my Thunder shirt on. (I came to represent!) Then they asked me if I was a basketball fan and I sarcastically said, "Just a little bit." Haha! We had a good, uplifting conversation and then I went on my way. I don't know why I get a kick out of talking to strangers, but I do. I guess there's just something nice about giving and receiving encouragement to and from people you don't know.  To me it seems more genuine because neither one of you has anything to gain from it, other than improving each other's day. 

And words seem to really be affecting me today. After a great and productive afternoon, I was proud of myself for things I had accomplished, both in my studies and working on music for the Paseo Arts Festival.  One leader of a band that I contacted thanked me for calling and asking them to return again this year, saying that it had made his day. I could tell that he had been feeling less than stellar and I could relate. I've been feeling lonely and secluded today, so I understood how important words are and how they affect you. Today I offended two friends that I actually really care about because I was so busy and overly sensitive, so I'm pointing a finger at myself here. That contributed to feeling blue, as well, but I received a great email from my friend, Diane, lending much needed advice, and then I got a call from P. Both helped pick me up out of my funk.  

You never know just how much your words affect people. I guess the point of this blog entry is to remind myself to be as kind as possible.  I saw a quote recently that said, "Be kind. Everyone is fighting their own battle." Amen. 

Welcome to Savannah!!!!!!

After a 12 hour day on the road and then 6 hours of driving the following day, you'd think I'd be exhausted, but when I arrived in Savannah yesterday I felt just the opposite.  In fact, when exited Interstate 16 onto Liberty Street, I was so excited to be back that I found a huge surge of energy! It was a good thing too because I had forgotten all about the time change that occurred when I crossed the state line between Alabama and Georgia. This put me into town with about an hour to check into my apartment, unpack and drive to Trustee's Theater to meet a new friend. So proud of myself on that one. (sarcasm)

The apartment manager gave my extra ticket to the Wyton Marsalis concert to one of his friends, Jason, aka "Pork Chop." Haha! And Pork Chop was so nice! He grew up here in Savannah and seemed to know everyone.  He kept introducing me to people on the sidewalk, in the theater and afterwards too. I LOVE that southern hospitality! And can we talk about how awesome Wynton Marsalis and the Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra was? It was a great way to start the month that I have here in my favorite place. The show was celebrating Wynton Marsalis' 50th birthday and was a retrospective of his own compositions. His talent is inspiring!

After the show we went to the American Legion building just south of Forsyth Park and had a hamburger and cocktails. That was one delicious hamburger and the drinks were only $1!  One of Jason's friends came to join us and again, he kept introducing me to people there too. It made me feel better about being here alone.  I felt like I could talk to people just like I can back in OKC, which is a good thing, because anyone who knows me, knows I like to talk. :)

Jason has helped to plan the Savannah Stopover Music Festival that's happening next week. This is a festival where bands play on their way to South by Southwest in Austin. What a smart idea! Talking to him about all that goes into organizing performances was incredibly helpful to me. I asked him all kinds of questions and got some new ideas for ways to improve my process for the Paseo Arts Festival music. I have hopes that I'll improve every year in that process, but I have a feeling that next year will be the best year yet because I'll have more time to devote to it than I have this year or last. School has to take priority this year.

Today, I went to the grocery store and got the basics for my kitchen.  Oh how I love my kitchen here.  It's so cute that it makes me want to cook and clean.  That's impressive. Haha! After I made lunch and got some instructions from my landlady and the apt. manager, I went for a walk.  I texted way too many pictures to friends and posted some on my Facebook page, so you'd think that I wouldn't post them here too, but I'm going to. Haha!

My apartment is the ground floor of this house.

The church directly across the street

Monterey Square is right by my place! It's my favorite square in Savannah!

My street

Forsyth Park Fountain

Tonight I studied, made dinner and watched some television. Pretty tame for a Friday night, huh? I didn't muster up the courage to go out alone, but I think that will change soon.  I needed a night to rest anyway, so it was good to stay in. I plan on resting a lot while I'm here. I realize that I haven't been taking care of my health and wellness and it's starting to affect me, so there's no better time than now to learn how to be quiet and alone without feeling like something is wrong. I can't wait to see what this month holds for me.  I know it's going to be productive and fun, but I also think that it will be transformative if I allow it to be. I think the key (as a wise lady told me today) will be to disconnect and take care of myself. I think she's right. (Thanks Courtney.) So I'm going to try to do that starting right now.

Yoga!

One of the things that I would really like to see happen at Sixtwelve is for us to have a yoga class, especially for kids. I'm definitely not considering myself a yogi yet, but I've been going more often and figuring out what type of class I like best.  Last night, Kristen and I went to a hot yoga class here in OKC and it was quite the experience. Even in regular classes, I'm the beginner and the one that needs extra attention and that's ok.  I don't mind because I feel good just practicing yoga and doing something wonderful for myself. I love the fact that I feel a little more flexible in that heat, but I have to take breaks every now and then, return to child's pose and catch my breath because I end up feeling like I'm going to pass out. I think I just need to drink more water, but I also need to work on reaching goals that I set for myself.

So what are my goals? I can already reach my toes (see photo) but that's just because I have really short legs! :) The following list contains the things I'd like to be able to do.

1. Focus on my breath to a point where it seems second nature.
2. Diminish my belly fat so that it's out of the way, allowing me to twist and bend in ways that allow for the more advanced poses. ( I can't yet contort my body into pretzels. Haha!) Right now if I can do one pose each class that I couldn't do before, or if I can hold a pose longer than I did before, I feel like I've accomplished something great.
3. Increase strength
4. Increase flexibility
5. Make it all the way through a class, doing all of the poses.

I'm sure that I will discover other goals, but for now, I think these will keep me challenged. I'm just glad that I'm on this journey because in the process of improvement, I'm finding more peace, and isn't that the point?

Moving to Savannah in 17 Days!

Life in OKC is wonderful.  I love so many things about it.  We have a thriving art community; our economy has been praised by magazines, such as Forbes, over the past few years; my group of friends here are incredible and I'm finding that there is never a dull moment with all of the opportunities to serve our city and state.  There is always something fun to do!

It's been difficult, however, to focus on my thesis and that has to be priority number one! So I'm moving to Savannah, Georgia. I found the cutest apartment in the historic district and I'll be there for the month of March.  I have a little more research to do at the Gibbes Museum in Charleston, SC and that's only two hours away, so I'll be able to take care of that while living in a place where I don't know a soul. I won't have committee or board meetings, fundraisers, Sixtwelve, Oklahoma Food Coop, art openings, awards ceremonies, festival and event planning, parties or dinners with friends.

That could sound a little sad, but I'm actually looking forward to it because I know I'll be able to get down to business and feed my passion.  I am in love my thesis topic and Savannah too.  I have a feeling that instead of being lonely, I'll find even more strength in being alone.  That's an incredibly good thing.  I'm pretty happy already, but I know that more confidence brings more peace and that can't be anything but good news for the things that I want to accomplish with my life.

I'm already looking for a yoga studio within walking distance from my apartment.  My goal is to go to yoga, walk all over the historic district, read, write, eat well, sleep well and take care of myself as much as possible every day while I'm there. (I think I might also grow out my bangs.) Oh and I plan on listening to some great music too. Wynton Marsalis and his band are giving a concert the night I arrive.  I bought two tickets, not even knowing who I'll give the other one to. I always buy two tickets when I'm going to things, knowing that someone will take the other one, but this is the first time I've ever done that when planning to be out of town and by myself.  I just have faith that I will be making new friends while I'm there. James had thought about going with me and staying a few days, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen so I'm excited to find out who I'll be sitting next to in the theater.  I think it will be a fine welcome to that gorgeous, southern belle of a city.

Between all of the rest, surrounding beauty, progress on my thesis and taking care of myself, I think I'll not only come back with a great thesis, but I'll also be looking and feeling better than ever.  It's like I'm sending myself away to Camp Amy and there is no better place than Savannah. I'm really, really excited! Here are a few more pictures of this magical city, taken during previous visits over the years.

Low Country sunsets are gorgeous!

Mercer House on Monterey Square (This is where Jim Williams, from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, lived.)
This house is one block from my apartment.  I'm almost on the corner of Monterey Square and only two blocks north of Forsyth Park!

I love the architecture in this city! Love it!!!!

The newest museum in the Telfair Museum group - Jepson Center. 

Scottie and Suzy liked walking around the squares too!

Jones Street is my favorite.

Antiques are everywhere!

Patience + Hard Work

Yesterday was one of those days when I woke up and I had to make a choice.  Would I lament over the fact that I had three meetings to attend and that I would not get to read for my thesis or spend time alone? Or would I seek out the opportunities for happiness and spread some joy.  I chose door number two and I'm so happy that I did.  It was a beautiful day, so that really helped, and as I moved through my busy schedule, I realized that because everything I was doing related to Sixtwelve, the future, furthering the arts in Oklahoma, and that I was meeting with people I really liked, I could enjoy the business.  So what did my day involve? Here we go...

James and I walked to Red Cup for breakfast.  We talked about Sixtwelve and life all the way there. The warmth of the day was unseasonable and the sun was shining. I could feel that oxygen flow through my body and it felt good. While we were eating some yummy goodness, we discussed the next steps we need to take and continued the meeting while walking back to my house.

Afterwards, I drove over to Picasso Cafe and had lunch with Casey Friedman of Acoustic Oklahoma.  We had our first meeting about music for the Paseo Arts Festival. I'm really excited about this because I know that we are going to work well together.  Casey has done so much to promote Oklahoma musicians and it thrills me (I'm serious, I get chills when I think about it!) that he's organizing Acoustic Oklahoma nights at Picasso Cafe.  I think it's a perfect fit for the Paseo and will compliment what we do at the festival perfectly!

After we finished that meeting, I took about a 30 minute break, watched a little "How I Met Your Mother" on Netfilx and then headed out the door for Stroud, Oklahoma.  I had an Oklahoma Alliance for Art Education board meeting at the Territory Cellars.  It was great to see everyone AND I learn so much about board and committee meeting procedures when I attend. I know that might not sound like the most exciting thing in the world, but when you're trying to learn how to start a non-profit, this is the best kind of experience you can have. We started talking about some great ideas for workshops for teachers too, relating to the arts and Common Core, so I know that I've got great opportunities to learn things that will help teachers and students in the future.  I'm honored to be a part of it!

When I finally arrived back home in OKC, I was exhausted, but it was a day well spent and I enjoyed every single second of it because of the people that I was able to see, talk to, text with, and serve. I know that if I'm patient with all that I have going on and I take it one day and one moment at a time, I'll be able to enjoy all of the tasks at hand. And seriously, I'm honored that I have the opportunity to work and further my vision for this world. I love my life.