James worked really hard over the past few weeks to get part two of the national tax credit application finished and turned in and I am really proud of him. I loved watching the architect at the state office look over his work and say, "Good job," or "Way to go." It did look amazing. You could see the hours of work he put into drawings and plans.
I have to admit that over the past few weeks I've been having little melt downs of worry because I'm leaving a job where I get to see and work with people every day that I love and admire. So it made me feel good to know that I could always depend on James to get the job done and to do it well. And this application is so important, so I'm a little ashamed of myself for letting my worry take me over on such an exciting occasion.
I know that the issues I've had have been induced by fear and I don't know why I let that happen. It seems to sneak up on me and infiltrate my mind and then before I know it, I've wasted so much time being paralyzed and have probably driven some of my friends a little crazy in the meantime.
I've given in to the fear that over the next year, I will be irrelevant or insignificant because I'll be taking instead of giving. I will be living my life for the pursuit of my masters degree and will not contribute to the betterment of anyone's life through work. I've also succumbed to the fear that my friends will forget about me if I'm not around all the time. Silliness. All I have to do is think about the good that I will be a vehicle for when we get to open the school. All of the work, worry and stress that I've encountered over the past few years while working and going to school at the same time will have been worthwhile. And if my friends will put up with me while I'm gaining confidence in myself, the meltdowns will even be worth it too.
So tonight I was eating at Thai Kitchen and reading The Oklahoma Gazette. Now I don't know how much weight you place on horoscopes, but I thought it was kind of freaky. This is what it said...
Have you been doing a lot of sweating and grunting from sheer exertion in 2010? Have you thrown yourself conscientiously into the hardest, smartest labor you've ever enjoyed? I hope so, because that would suggest you're in rapt alignment with this year's cosmic rhythms. It would mean that you have been cashing in on the rather sublime opportunities you're being offered to diligently prove how much you love your life. The next six months will provide you with even more and better prods, Libra, so please find even deeper reserves of determination. Intensify your commitment to mastering the work you came to this planet to do.
OOOOHHHHH MMMMMYYYYYYYY GOOOOSSSHHHHHH!!!!!
I think I'm turning this little pity party around. :)