Thursday, May 31, 2012

What now?

James and my cabin at The Canebrake. We escaped to recoup after the Paseo Fest!

The last few months have been jam-packed full of work, pressure, stress and accomplishment. I am more than grateful that everything went well and that I was able to accomplish my goals. Everything I did, from finishing my masters to planning and orchestrating the music for the south stage at the Paseo Arts Festival,  all fit into a plan that has been in place for a few years now.

I actually started grad school about five and a half years ago, almost exactly to the date when I started working at the Oklahoma City Museum of Art as an education curator.  I had left teaching music at Lakeview Elementary school in 2004, having just finished my bachelors in Art History in December of 2006, and was set to get my masters in a couple of years, but when the job was offered to me, I couldn't pass it up. I knew that it would bring valuable administrative experience, lending even more ability to accomplishing my dream of opening a little school for art and music.

And then I met James. He had just moved back home from California after getting his degrees in Architecture and Film at USC. We met through mutual friends and were renovating our houses at the same time. He would come over and we would compare notes on design ideas and covet each other's new appliances. Ha! We would sit in the green house or on my arbor swing, drinking wine and talking about our dreams for the future. His ideas of renovating an historic structure for the purpose of serving the community fit nicely with my idea of a school for art and music, so we decided to join forces. The combination of our intentions has resulted in something bigger than either of us ever imagined and I couldn't be more grateful. We now have plans and a location for a community center that will offer classes centered on art, music, film, cooking, gardening and all things related to sustainable living.

Over the past couple of days, I've found myself even more worn out than when I graduated (not surprising at all considering the pace of the Paseo Arts Festival) and I think I might be experiencing something like postpartum depression. I'm so proud of everything I've done and I'm more than grateful for everyone that worked alongside me. There is no way that I would have been able to achieve my goals if it weren't for the support and work of others like James, my family, friends, professors and countless volunteers at the festival. So why would I be feeling like this? Shouldn't I be celebrating and breathing a big sigh of relief?

I am celebrating...mainly by catching up on rest. I have napped and slept as late as I could, but I find myself so tired that the slightest sadness or sweetness will have me shedding tears in no time. My friend Romy told me this is normal. She said that when you push and push for something, it's easy to feel some kind of let down after you've reached your goal, even if it goes really well.

I don't want to be a negative person or someone who can't enjoy their successes. I want to be someone who celebrates with all of the people who helped make it happen, but I think that months and years of stress can do something to a person's personality. So I'm taking a little break before I jump back in to planning for Sixtwelve. I'm excited by the thought that I can now devote all of my creative energy towards our dreams and sometimes I honestly can't stop myself from the dreaming and planning, but next week, mom and I are leaving on a trip. We're going on a cruise around the British Isles and I can't wait. Not only will it be great to spend time alone with her (we never get to do that anymore) but I think it will be the perfect reset button for my attitude and energy. I want to give everything I've got to James, Sixtwelve and our community, but I've got to fill up that tank of goodness so I'll have more to give.

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