Wednesday, October 28, 2015

What It Takes

Lately, I've been trying to get in bed by 9:30pm because I need the rest in order to get everything done the next day. (And I never can seem to get it all done. There are just only so many hours in a day.) Other than my birthday party a couple of Saturdays ago, I've cut waaaaaaaaay back on alcohol. I've turned notifications off for apps on my phone and I've tried to reach at least the 10,000 steps per day goal. All of this has helped my level of peace, but I still need to do more.

I've been giving everything I've got to 612 because, here in the first few months of running it by myself, I haven't really had a choice. That's just what it takes, but I have to admit, there has been some guilt with cutting back on what I give through volunteering and even with missing social times with my friends. That guilt can be crushing.  I end up feeling bad for saying "no," even when I know it is what will save my health, attitude and sanity. And there are times that I don't even have a choice. My body just says "no" for me.

So to all of my friends who have started to say that they miss me, I miss you too and I wish I could spend more time with you as well. To all of the organizations that I just can't give to like I used to, I'm sorry, but I promise that I'm giving everything that I can for our community. Please know that it isn't personal and that I want all of the goodness for you that I always have. Starting and running a business, being responsible for the well being of others and their education, and making sure that I'm protecting 612's physical and fiscal health all takes so much time and energy that on the off chance that I do get a free day to be with my family or by myself, I will take it in a heartbeat.

The truth is, I don't owe anyone an explanation for that. My family and true friends have never once complained. They have continued to patiently support and encourage, even during this year when I have had less and less to give. They have never once judged me or accused me of pulling away. Those are the people who have helped me to have faith in myself and to think I can do this. They even continue volunteer and give, and I am so grateful.

This is my dream and I have to see it through. It is taking everything and more than I have to make it happen, and I won't apologize again for giving it. If my family and friends, who have been so generous with their time and money to help me do this don't complain, no one else has the right to.
To those who HAVE complained to me lately, think about what you're doing. I've given you years and years of friendship, service and funding and you have repaid me with selfishness, guilt and judgement. Do you think I would really want to continue giving in return? I have never owed you anything. I have given because I loved our community and I thought it would help. 

To the people and organizations who have been patient with me while I start over on my own, who have been so generous even during this time of my retreat to figure it all out, I love you with all of my heart and will never forget your kindness. You are the people I want to invest my life in and I'm so lucky to have you in mine. Thank you over and over again for all of your help. You are the people who help me have faith in myself, the mission and this world. I love you. 

p.s. I don't know why this post insists on appearing in larger, red, font. I've tried to fix it about 100 times, but it just won't let me change it. Hmmmm...

No comments:

Post a Comment